Warlock's Tower Workout: Four Floors of Fitness

A Warlock long thought dead has returned through forbidden sorcery, awakening an ancient curse upon your bloodline. Somewhere above, within the decaying walls of his tower, lies your only hope of breaking it. Four increasingly brutal ordeals await, and even those who reach the summit must pay one final, terrible toll.

🎃 Introduction

The Warlock’s Tower is a progressive strength and conditioning challenge featuring four increasingly demanding floors, each containing a different functional fitness circuit. Before beginning, participants select one of three persistent curses: a loaded overhead carry, an explosive muscular-endurance challenge or a cardiovascular ordeal. The curse grows more demanding with every floor, culminating in a final dead-hang challenge at the summit.

High above the surrounding countryside stands a tower long associated with forbidden practices and unnatural powers. Its master is expecting you. Unfortunately, he has taken the liberty of preparing a few additional trials for his guests.

🧙‍♂️ The Legend of the Warlock

In the darker traditions of Scottish folklore, the Warlock was a sinister practitioner of forbidden magic, feared for his supposed ability to cast curses, summon malevolent forces and bring misfortune upon his enemies. The name derives from the Old English wærloga, meaning oath-breaker, later associated with those believed to have betrayed their faith through dealings with the Devil.

Such fears reached terrifying proportions during the Scottish witch trials of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. In the notorious North Berwick trials of 1590–1591, several people, including the schoolmaster John Fian, were accused of conspiring with the Devil and conjuring storms to destroy the ships of King James VI. Torture, coerced confessions and executions followed, demonstrating how deadly accusations of sorcery could become.

The Warlock was feared in Scottish folklore as a practitioner of forbidden magic, associated with curses, sorcery and dealings with the Devil. Such beliefs fuelled the notorious Scottish witch trials, while figures like John Fian and Major Thomas Weir became entwined with enduring tales of witchcraft and supernatural powers.

Another infamous figure was Major Thomas Weir, the so-called Wizard of West Bow, executed in Edinburgh in 1670. Later legends claimed that Weir possessed an enchanted black staff capable of moving independently. Even stranger was a staircase associated with his former neighbourhood, where those attempting to ascend supposedly experienced the sensation of travelling downwards. One imagines few Edinburgh residents were particularly eager to investigate after sunset.

Whether born of superstition, religious terror or generations of embellishment, such stories gave the Warlock a formidable reputation.

A man whose curses could ruin lives, whose bargains carried terrible consequences, and whose hospitality was best declined.

🏰 The Ascent of the Damned

Tonight, you have received an invitation to the Warlock’s Tower.

Four floors await, each presenting a progressively more demanding ordeal. Before entering, however, you must make a choice: three curses are offered, and one must accompany you throughout your ascent.

Every floor conquered brings greater suffering. Your strength begins to fade, your chosen curse becomes increasingly burdensome, and the Warlock watches your progress with considerable satisfaction.

Even reaching the summit offers no guarantee of freedom. One final punishment awaits those unfortunate enough to survive the climb.

Choose your curse. Begin your ascent. And whatever you do, don’t disappoint your host.

📜 Rules of Engagement

Click on links below for breakdown of the workout.

📋 Format

Solo or group challenge. Four increasingly difficult floors, each containing four exercise stations.

⬆️ The Ascent

Complete all four stations on each floor, followed by your chosen curse. Each floor becomes progressively harder through exercise difficulty, resistance and accumulating fatigue, rising from RPE 6–7 on Floor I to RPE 8–9 on Floor IV.

😈 Choose Your Curse

Before entering the Tower, select one of three curses.

Once selected, the curse cannot be changed. Participants must complete their prescribed punishment after all four stations on each floor before ascending to the next.
The curse is an additional challenge, never a replacement for an existing station.

Floor	⛓️ The Burden	💀 The Torment	🏃 The Endless Road
I	20m Carry	6 Squats + 20s Hold	150m / 8 cal
II	30m Carry	8 Squats + 30s Hold	200m / 10 cal
III	40m Carry	10 Squats + 40s Hold	250m / 12 cal
IV	50m Carry	12 Squats + 50s Hold	300m / 14 cal

⛓️ The Burden: Single-Arm Kettlebell Overhead Carry. Change arms halfway through each distance.

💀 The Torment: Jump Squats followed immediately by a Wall Sit.

🏃 The Endless Road: Choose running (metres) or Assault Bike (calories) and stick with your selection.

⏱️ Recovery Between Floors

Take brief rests between stations as needed. Your prescribed recovery begins after completing each floor and its curse.

After	Beginner	Intermediate / Advanced
Floor I	90 sec	60 sec
Floor II	75 sec	45 sec
Floor III	60 sec	30 sec

☠️ The Warlock's Toll

After Floor IV and its final curse, face one last ordeal: a 30–60-second Dead Hang, scaled to ability.

🏆 Victory

Conquer all four floors, endure your curse four times and survive the Warlock’s Toll to escape the Tower.

😈 Choose Your Curse

Before entering the tower, each participant must choose one of three curses from below. The curse mini circuit selected should be completed at the end of each circuit. Their punishment increases with every floor ascended.